He's my Son!

In the fall I was slapped in the face with reality called an IEP evaluation from Kristian's PT. For those that don't know what that is it's and an Individualized Educational Plan (and PT-- Physical Therapist) for anyone with special needs. I have been doing IEP's since Kristian was diagnosed at 15 months. It's nothing new and typically they say the same sorts of things. This past fall that all changed when Kristian started his 5th grade year and had a new PT .

I was working on the bus one day and was handed some papers. After securing the wheelchairs I sat down to look over what was handed to me. It was the evaluation from the PT regarding what she seen during her evaluation of him. As I started reading I felt like I was reading about a inanimate object with no name or no face. It was a bunch of terms, some of which I had never heard, some were completely false, and it was becoming more than I wanted to read so I stuffed it into my bag to finish later. I dreaded getting home and having to get this paper out and read it. I did not want to read what that "mean" lady, that I'd never met and neither had Kristian until that day, had to say about him. Upon getting home I began to read the paper again. Again, I was reading about Kristian and what seemed like all negative no good for nothing this and that's about MY SON! Tears started rolling down my face and for the next two hours my heart broke over what I read about my son.

I had to go onto my next job and was thankful that I work alone and could continue crying and asking God how this person, that does not know me or Kristian, could say things that were so hurtful. Does she know he has a mommy that loves him, does she know he has a mommy that does all she can to help him, does she know that he has a mommy that feels she takes on the whole world, all alone, to give him the world. Does she know he is my son? I was so hurt and so angry! I simply could not stop crying and thinking he is more than these words say he is, he is more than hyper/hypo tonic issues, he is more than spasticity, more than tone, he is more than dorsal flexsion and more than degree's of movement, he is more than non-ambulatory and more than AFO's, in what seemed to be 1000 words of what he is it never said one positive thing about him.

As Kristian's mom I will say undoubtedly that I am more, much much more of a person to have known him. He is more than most people will ever be and has taught me more than I could have ever imagined. He is a very special gift from God. He is love just as God is love. Kristian came into my life at just the perfect time, just as Jesus came into this world and died at just the perfect time. God's timing is always perfect. What a blessing to be Kristian's mom. (If you know Kristian I'm sure you are agreeing he is so amazing)

Today I called to get Kristian's genetic test results and was a little on guard and ready to let somone know HE'S MY SON if I needed to. =) The nurse said the results were like nothing she had seen before. I've heard those words from the beginning of this road with Kristian. (10 years ago) I should have known it was coming. The nurse was very nice and went onto tell me the results of the genetic testing came back as an unknown abnormality and it is suggested to have further testing with both parents to try to get a more conclusive result. She was apologetic for the vague results and us having to wait for 2 months to get them. It is my conclusion again that no matter what Kristian has, named or not, God knows and I trust him for our future.

Kristian is my son, he not his disability or his ability, he's not his wheelchair, or legs. He's my son and I love him. Some see him as broken and in need of this or that. I see him as perfect and here to show us how broken we are. Oh, if we only have eyes to see!

Thank you Kristian for being My Son!